Sunday, June 28, 2009

Forward this or you will get Anal Cancer!!!!

Who are these people who have nothing better to do but to threaten peoples lives with ominous emails? Seriously people. Isn't there something more constructive to do like cheating on your wife that hated you anyway or spanking your already obnoxious 4 year old who eventually will become the next Manson? I say we should forward a knife, stabbing the bastard who starts these annoying piles of donkey fuck. Hell, let's stab the people who believe these lying demons. Stab them in fucking face. I know I may lose some friends and family but I'm willing to pay that price to rid the world of the tyrannical forwarding emails that threaten our lives if we don't pass them on. Before we go into Iraq or Afghanistan, let's start at home base and kill these Internet terrorists using nothing but the latest technology of heavy mining equipment.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Can we please evolve as a people? Please?

Whats wrong with being a Muslim in this country? Since I live in the south, there is no shortage of racism still lurking around here. Apparrently they haven't grasped the concept that not every person darker than tan is out kill them. But the new thing nowadays that these people are complaining about is that being a muslim means that you are an evil terrorist and want to rape babies or some shit like that. Everyday I hear this garbage on the radio. Im getting to the point where I may, just may, drive myself into a brick wall so I can save my ears from the hellish sound spewing horse cum into my brain. If you are a normal human being, you would at least learn all the facts before calling someone your enemy. So I'll give you a short history lesson:

1. They regard Jesus as a respected Prophet of Islam NOT God. I think is the most main thing. That's the essence of the message of the messenger of Islam (as was the message of previous message but was corrupted with time) which is to call upon people to worship the one God of Abraham, Isaac, Moses, on

2. Since they believe Prophet Jesus (pbuh) was that of a Prophet and not God, they don't believe in the original sin (I mean the Quran mentions the story but with the blame of Adam and Eve EQUALLY, but then forgave them). Thusfore, Jesus didn't die on a cross nor did he die for any-ones sins (since we are born sinless). He was raised to heaven and will return before the end of times.

3. We are accountable for our actions. On the day of judgment our deeds will be weighted. Belief alone does not guarantee us Heaven. Our good actions have to outweigh our bad actions. These deeds could be anything from praying to God to serving for a better humanity. (hmmm...doesn't that sound better then what the Catholics tell you. If you don't believe Jesus to be your savior, he will damn you to hell?)

These are the pillars of Islam. Every Muslim must practice:

Shahadah-the declaration that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is his messenger.

Prayer (Salat) - establishing of the five daily Prayers.

The paying of alms (Zakat) - which is generally 2.5% of the total savings for a rich man working in trade or industry, and 10% or 20% of the annual produce for agriculturists. This money or produce is distributed among the poor.

Fasting (Sawm) - refraining from eating, drinking or satisfying other needs from dawn to dusk in the month of Ramadan, the ninth month in the Islamic lunar calendar.

The Pilgrimage to Mecca (Hajj) - this is done during the month of Zul Hijjah, and is compulsory once in a lifetime for one who has the ability to do it. If the Muslim is in ill health or in debt, he or she is not required to perform Hajj.

Do you see anywhere in there that they have to destroy the infidels or kill all who don't believe in Jesus? Did you know that the actual religion itself is actually quite peaceful at heart just like Christianity. So let's actually try to evolve as a people and actually try to understand other cultures. Understand that Christianity is not without extremists. AKA The KKK, the Crusades, the people who hold up signs that say "God hates your faggot son" at a soldiers funeral. Islam has those too and I believe we can all name at least one. Pull your head out of your dick and start thinking with your selfish hick brain for once. If Obama is a Muslim, do you think he's going to make sure he doesn't get re-elected by taking all your money and house and your baby? NO. NO. and NO again. Even if he is a Muslim, he's still needs a job.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Roger EGG-bert is a Douche face.

First of all.....LONG LIVE MICHEAL!!!

Back to business. Roger Ebert is an idiot. Plain and simple. He said this about Transformers Listen to this asshole: "a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination."

Wow. He went to great legnths to rip into this movie. I mean he was quite angry about it. I think he was driven to the point of madness being forced to watch Megan Fox's ass and titties the whole time and NOT being able to masturbate. He doesn't want to pull a Pee Wee Werman now does he? I read his review an hour before I watched the movie. Now being a fan a Transformers, I understand that my opinion is biased, however, I know what decent movie is and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was FUCKING AWESOME!!!! Not to say the movie didn;t have its cheesy moments and corny moments but fuck man, it's Transformers!! Have you ever seen the cartoon show? It's Cheese central just like G.I JOE (which I have high hopes for). It had all the elements of a great movie: a shit ton of action, megan fox, HILARITY, and TRANSFORMING!!! Thats all you need. If you are going to watch Transformers expecting "Pride and Predjudice - like depth" then your gonna be fucking disappointed ok? Who made Roger Ebert a critic anyway. I mean what the fuck did he do to become a movie critic? Who died and made him Sultan of all things movies? Fuck him and the the fat he flew in on! Watch Transformers and get back to me. If you liked it, tell me. If your in with Roger, go fuck yourself.

Monday, June 22, 2009

A jailbroken Iphone is better....Period.

I'll be the first to tell you that I love Everything Apple. If it's
made from Apple, I will buy it. If they made a vibrator that plays
songs from your iTunes playlist, I would be elated to use
it......Uh....So anyway, let me get to the point. Apple is great,
however, they are a few things that bother me.

1. You can't change your text ring tones.

WHY THE FUCK CANT YOU CHANGE THEM? Why do I have to choose stupid
stock ringtones that barf sound when and if I can actually hear it
ring. And that's another thing. I can't hear the damn text tones. Even
at full blast, it's like a soft fart. Pretty annoying. It wouldn't
bother me so much if you had the same options you have with the
regular ringtones.

2. Can't really customize it.

I mean it's not that big of a deal but if your like me and want to see
the face of your favorite Final Fantasy character in the backround of
your apps, you should be able to do that. I mean it's there as your
homescreen. Why can't it be there in the fucking backround? I mean
it's just kinda plain to me. And I would think that the abilty to
customize would increase the longevity of the phone. I don't know.
That's just my opinion.

3. 40 years later and we finally have MMS.

JESUS MARY AND JOESEPH!!! Why in the holy mother of buttfucking did it
take so long. I pretty sure it's not Apples fault. It's At&t. They
can't handle the awesome power that is the iPhone. And you know what
else is utter fuck bullshit? It has been officially released, yet, we
can't fucking use it. What the fuck......

4. Previewing Apps from the App dammit.

The app store should have the option to TRY FUCKING TRY out apps. I
have been coaxed into buying so many shitty apps and thinking to
myself that I have just paid 3 dollars for something that had good
reviews and looked promising but was the biggest pile of regurgitated
poopy poop. Smart on their part for marketing but annoying for me the

So what do I do to fix these problems? Jailbreak baby. That's right.
Jailbreaking your phone basically turns something made from heaven and
turns it into something made from heaven..... again......I can
customize the look,feel and sounds from already beautiful phone and
make the phone mine. I mean who wouldn't want an app that can block
those creditors from calling you? Yeah that's awesome. Alot of people
think I'm stupid for voiding the Apple warranty. Eat some dicks. I
want the best possible product I can get. I want to play Nintendo on
my phone. I want a goddamn video camera like every other fucking smart
phone. Or how about a zoom feature for gods sake!?

In conclusion, I just wanted to let all the apple fanboys know how I
feel. And like I said before, I LOVE APPLE. The iPhone with it's few
annoyances, is still the best phone on the market. Anybody who's says
any different is a liar. They wish they can smell the brand new
packaging of a sparkiling clean iPhone. I'm getting a little hard just
thinking about it. So drop your Nokia flip phone and buy an iPhone so
we can play Peggle together.

Another Political Opinion.......

Ok, I swear this is going to be my last blog about politics or anything relating to politics (at least till we elect Jesse "the body" Ventura for President). Apparently everyone is pooping their pants about the new healthcare reform that Mr. Obama is instating. OH MY GOD SOCIALISM!!!! THE FUNDAMENTALS OF CAPITALISM ARE CRUMBLNG!!!! Shit like that. Stop.....Just please stop. Our country is going to be fine. We can all calm down. It seems to me that our presidents, NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE, all suck and get it wrong. Democrat, Republican, Black, White, Retarded, or Not-so Retarded . Name me one president that, in your life time, actually did EVERYTHING right. I say "in your life time" because the pages of history fade peoples opinions of past presidents. So just enjoy the ride. The president is not going to turn our country into a socialist or communist country. If Bush couldn't do it, what makes you think that this one can? And FUCK, at least he's doing shit. Changing the country up a little may help because for the love of shitballs everywhere, the past policies really have done so much for us haven't they?

The worst select screen ever.....

The game Worms for the Xbox360 market place is a pretty fun game for
the most part. Except if you want to play with a group. It has the
most ridiculous select screen I have ever had the displeasure of
dealing with. 4 guys sitting around a tv and videogame system yelling
at each other because the wrong person pressed A too soon. It's really
hard to explain without a demostration. But just take my word for it.
It eats dicks and shits for the birds.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Oh no! People are gay! *gasp*

Ok, since the election is over, I won't get all political on you but I do occasionally have to throw some common sense in the world or else I feel like I have failed to do my job as a human being. I was driving in my car listening to the radio when I came across this radio station. 99.7 it was. It was talk radio which I don't mind because I like to listen to people bitch and moan about the world. It's kinda my thing. Anyway, the name of the show that was airing was called the Mike Savage Show. The topic of discussion was Gay people. My ears perked up as I heard this: 

Caller: Hi, Mike. I love your show and I just want to say that I will tolerate Gays till the ends of the earth but I WILL NOT ACCEPT them. I will not accept what they do or agree with what they believe in because the Bible and all other moral logic goes against it. Nothing good can come out of it.

Mike's Co-Anchor: I agree with you whole heartedly, they are engaging in a lifestyle that is destructive and unworthy of praise. It is wrong. I have many gay friends and they come to me in private and tell me how destructive their life is and they wish they can change. In no way can Gay Marriage be a good thing for children or society as a whole because eventually, all the gay bars that you stay away from, will grow and build and you will see more of indescribable behavior day by day unless we do something about it. 

This actually was on the radio. Maybe not word for word, but if you don't believe me, just drive down to Tennessee and turn onto 99.7. I have a feeling that this radio station will be the cause for alot of my blog considering the hate speech that I hear day by day from them. Now let me come back to 1965 during the Cival Rights Movement. Replace "gay" with "black" or certain racial slurs and you have your self hate speech. I'm not so much angry as I am sad and I'm sorry that I have to get all serious on ya but I have my moments. We cannot let idiots, like mike's co-anchor have a job like that. I'm all for free speech but not for hate free speech. And you know what? Do gay people really bother you that much? I mean seriously, what are they doing that is making your life so miserable? Are they having sex in your front lawn? Are they touching dicks while you try to eat your cereal? Like what's the big FUCK deal? Do you wake up and go "Dammit......people are gay!" in the morning when you wake up? And for the record, Mikes little co-anchor DOES NOT have ANY gay friends. NO FUCKING WAY. No self respecting gay person goes up to anybody and describes how horrible and destructive their life is, especially to someone who works for a right wing radio station. 
In Conclusion, who gives a fuck? Get over it. 

Friday, June 12, 2009

"Hey, let's sit outside to eat!" ............"Hey, eat a dick."

Yeah, thats sound like a great Idea! Let's sit out in 102 degree weather with 90% humidity while we swat away the flies and birds that also want to eat our oversized burrito. Yeah let's sit outide while my beautiful, ice cold 2 liter of cola becomes nothing but black uncarbonated mess. Yeah let's ignore one of the greatest inventions in our lifetime: MAN MADE AIR CONDITIONING. Yeah, let's ignore mother nature, and tell her to fuck off cause there is absolutely no way that a thunderstorm is going to come when we're eating outside.
So what you telling me is that you would rather eat a warm soggy oversized burrito destroyed by the effects of the weather and flies that just spent a good hour on a dog turd, flying onto your burrito, than to eat inside the nice, cool effects of man made air conditioning? Fuck you. I'm eating inside.

Monday, June 8, 2009

The Customers's always fuagsfgakhjllduiajlnajk.......

Sorry it's been a while since my last posting, but enough time has passed for me to build up enough anger to say this. THE CUSTOMER IS A BIG FAT IDIOT. 
Seriously folks. I'm positive that people have taken that saying, "The Customers always right" way too fuckin serious. Lets just say that that line is correct. Here's an example of why it's such an idiotic saying: A customer walks to a hot dog stand, looks at the menu and realizes that this hot dog stand is NOT selling Ceaser Salad Croute Soup that mother always made. The customer asks Abdul-Muhaimin Kareem, whose been in the beautiful fat america for 5 minutes, if he can make him one. To the customers dismay, Abdul-Muhaimin Kareem cant make him his delicious Ceaser Salad Croute Soup BECAUSE ITS A MOTHER FUCKING HOT DOG STAND YOU FUCKING STUPID FUCK!!!!!!! IF ITS NOT ON THE GODDAMN MENU THEN DONT FUCKING ORDER IT YOU DIPSHIT DONKEY FUCK DOUCHE HOLE!!!! AND HURRY UP WITH THE FUCKING ORDER YOU GOT PEOPLE BEHIND YOU, YOU SELF INDULGENT PRICK!!!! 

In conclusion, have fuckin common sense people. Look at the menu and choose your food. Dont try to be creative and waste everybody's fuckin time making Creme' o Shitty Fuck Fuck. Have some respect for those making less than you and be happy you live in a country that lets you eat at all. Selfish Prick.